What is an orgasm to a man? Master and Johnson describes orgasm as the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle when the body suddenly discharge its accumulated sexual tension. The same as for a woman. Ancient Egyptian called sexual intercourse, "knowing woman perfectly" and considered it a joy. That however, was a misdirection, as it was "knowing the man perfectly." A Hindu text says, "to have intercourse with a women is like having intercourse with the Goddess herself and is a virtue which destroys all sin." The Indians describe sex as perpetual happiness. The French describe orgasm as "le petit Mort", the little death. Compared to these concepts the typical American male comment, "I'm coming", sounds more like he's going to answer the doorbell. Though occasionally men do say they hear bells ringing during orgasm with me.
Because of the alienation of our physical bodies from our spiritual selves due to Judaeo-Christian teachings, most modern males (an females, too) do not experience the intense emotional bliss, the spiritual high or the ecstasy of orgasm. Much of our vocabulary relating to sexual experiences, words like passion, bliss and ecstasy are often used for religions experiences also. The passion of Jesus has nothing to do with love or sex but with his death on the cross. It's a sick society that makes suffering and death a passion and descriptions of love making sinful. In 1918 Dr. Marie Stoppe's book, "Married Love" was banned in the United States as obscene, largely because of beautiful passages describing orgasm which were all in proper non 4 letter language.
Compared to the ancient Goddess religions, Christianity has made sex something to be endured and indulged in only for the purpose of procreation. The modern Catholic Church is receiving much criticism for its anti birth control policies and many Christian churches are battling with bisexual and homosexual behavior. The religion of The Goddesses has always looked upon sex as the greatest Goddess-given pleasure, a gift to be enjoyed and appreciated, not just used for procreation.
The word orgasm comes from the Greek word "orgia" meaning secret worship as most ancient secret worship involved sexual rituals. This is the same root for the word, orgy, which, under Christian influence, has come to connotate debauchery, decadence and excess. But anciently an orgy was a group religious rite which involved sexual activities.
Historically the fact that women had orgasm was denied and debated all the way up until the 1960's. Even though that great pioneer of sexual research, Alfred Kinsey, published his work in 1948 on Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, and later "Sexual Response in the Human Female", with statistics showing that both men and women were having orgasm, still many doubted. Many fundamentalist Christians held the opinion that "no good women would ever have an orgasm". Women who did were mentally ill or suffering from nymphomania. Finally in the 1960's Masters and Johnson reported on the actual observation of female orgasm and people no longer debated the issue. Now they debate what kind of orgasms women have, but that's covered in the chapter on Female Orgasm.
Fortunately for men, most people have always believed in male orgasm. In fact, having sex is generally defined in terms of male orgasm. When a guy says, I had sex with a girl, he doesn't mean he kissed her, petted her breasts or performed cunnilingus on her. He means he had vaginal intercourse; he fucked her; he had an orgasm; he ejaculated. (Incidentally, the word "pet" in Egyptian means sexual intercourse - fucking.)
Men have been taught that once they get it up, they've got to get it off, or horrible things will happen. They will get blue balls or hard nuts. But according to Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld in his book, Male Sexuality, A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment, there "is no good reason why a man must have an orgasm every time he has sex. Despite the high school horror stories about blue balls and lover's nuts, they are rare conditions. They can be painful but they usually don't last very long. But because of the influence of those stories and because our sexual model presents almost no cases of men who do not ejaculate every time they have sex, we are convinced that we must come every time, no matter how much we have to work to make it happen."
Men have been encouraged to have orgasm, to ejaculate, but things have not always been so free and easy under the influence and domination of the trinity religions, Judaism/Christianity/Islam.
The religion of the Goddess, on the other hand, has always had sexual rituals in which men have orgasms and ejaculate for pleasure and spiritual significance, and not just to make babies. Sex was quite wholesome and open in the days when the Goddess religion dominated, but the patriarchal religions not only did away with pleasurable sex, they put restriction on men's orgasm. Men were to have sex for procreation only.
There have been many theories advanced as to why the Jewish rabbis were so rabid about sex, but the fact is the Jewish sexual restriction were in direction opposition to the Goddess religions which dominated the area the Jews invaded. Time after time the bible warns the Jews not to associate with the inhabitants of the land because the priestesses of The Goddess would lure off their young men. Shere Hite has this to say in The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, "The definition of sex as we know it was begun approximately 2500 years ago for the purpose of increasing reproduction. It was at this time that the Hebrew tribes returned from the Babylonian exile, a small struggling group. These tribes passed a law, the first such law we know of, saying that henceforth all sexual activities other than heterosexual intercourse would be illegal. The old Testament constantly warned against other forms of sexuality, including `spilling ones' seed (masturbation), oral sex, and the sexual practice of the Heathens, surrounding tribes, especially Babylonians".
Masturbation, the sin of Onan, was made punishable by death. Onanism, was first used to mean masturbation in the 16th Century and is covered in the chapter on male masturbation.
The Christian churches still preach against masturbation, but in spite of all those years of being taught that masturbation is a no-no, 99% of males admit to having orgasm through masturbation. Most men have their first experience with orgasm through masturbation. Shere Hite reports that most men said they had their strongest orgasms during masturbation.
They must be having some really lousy sex partners. Who did she interview, anyway? Most of the 2979 men I've had sex with have expressed the view that intercourse is the greatest physical pleasure they've experienced. But come to think of it, they were having sex with me, so that is to be expected.
Shere Hite also reported that 65% of the men she polled said sex is overrated. But what do you expect from a feminist. I'd give sex a 10. The more sex I have, the more I enjoy it, the easier it is to respond. As with any physical activity, practice improves performance - use it or lose it. If a guy prefers to masturbate and thinks sex is overrated, he's most likely had very little experience with women and what little sex he's had must have been with dull partners or those who were unresponsive because he was dull. To have great sex, you have to have a great sex partner, and you can't make a valid judgment about sex if you haven't experienced variety. That would be like eating a sardine and saying seafood is definitely overrated without ever having tasted lobster; or eating a slice of Spam and saying steak is overrated. Some people (like me) are the lobster and filet mignon of sex. Sex is the greatest physical pleasure the Goddess has bestowed on mankind.
A great part of the lack of sexual enjoyment is due to the tremendous guilt the Judaeo-Christian religions have dumped on people for centuries. It is hard for a man to enjoy himself when he's been taught that he's going to burn in hell for all eternity if he likes sex. And it's unlikely a woman will want to try when religion and her fellow women tell her that sex is overrated. So why bother?
Through men have fared a lot better than women when it comes to sexual repression, most religions teach that masturbation is evil, pre-marital sex is a sin and adultery deserve stoning, or at least excommunication in modern time. Even sex in marriage was once considered sin. In 610 A.D. Pope Gregory, writing to St. Augustine II declared that "Lawful intercourse should be for the procreation of offspring and not for mere pleasure. It is not fitting that a man who has approached his wife should enter Church before he has washed nor is he to enter at once though washed, for when a man's mind is attracted to those pleasure by lawless desire, he should not regard himself as fitted to join in Christian worship until these heated desires cool in the mind, and he has cease to labor under wrongful passions."
So men had a choice, have sex or go to Church. Of course in my religion you can do both - at the same time. Unfortunately back in the middle ages, if you didn't go to church you could be burned at the stake as a heretic. If you abstained from sex you could go to church, but then you had other problems. Christian monks taught that withholding semen led to the poisoning of a man's blood through an imbalance of what was called, humors. In other words, if you didn't have sex you got sick. To avoid this problem they vented the toxic imbalance by bleeding. Bleeding among Christian monks was a preventative against disease. Monks were generally bled once a month, unless some poor fellow confessed to great temptations, then he had to shed volumes of blood, which probably did take his mind off sex. Since premarital sex was among the most grievous of sins, unmarried men, even young boys were bled to cleanse them of evil juices. Bleeding went out of fashion when monks learned the could suck the humors out of each other, and prevent young boys from falling victim to humor by sucking it out of them also.
Fortunately for men, many preachers looked the other way when it came to men's sexual transgression, but they demanded strict adherence from women. Most preachers reenforce the double standard for sex, okay for men, forbidden for women. 19th Century writers encouraged men to take their pleasure by whatever deceit necessary, but the woman was forbidden, even if she were in love.
One of the grossest iniquities was the treatment for syphilis in the Elizabethan era. It was believed that having sex with a virgin would cure syphilis, so thousand of young girls were bought, or forced to have sex so diseased men could continue their sexual activities. Of course, the cure didn't work. All that happen was the innocent young girls were given the disease. How can anyone not help but be appalled at the mentality and warped morality of the time, to sacrifice the health, the very life of young innocent girls to lecherous old men?
Men have been having and enjoying sex for thousands of years, despite Judaeo-Christian-Moslem religious restrictions. And although the restriction did not keep sex from being practiced, it did keep it from being talked about, except for bragging among peers. There was not much education about sex until recently. Now there are sex education classes, but there still isn't much education about sex, they are mostly biology courses on reproduction. Christians want abstinence taught instead.
There is a cute story Bill Cosby related about his first sexual experience, as he was on his way to his girlfriends house: "So now, I'm walkin' and I'm trying to figure out how to do it. And when I get there, the most embarrassing thing is gonna be when I have to take my pants down. See, right away, then I'm buck naked.. buck naked in front of this girl. Now, what happens then? Do you... do you just... I don't even know what to do... I'm, gonna just stand there and she's gonna say 'You don't know how to do it.' And I'm gonna say, 'Yes I do, but I forgot.' I never thought of her showing me, because I'm, a man, and I don't want her to show me. I don't want nobody to show me, but I wish somebody would kind'a slip me a note."
There had not been much study on male orgasm until Masters and Johnson actually observed men having orgasm and publish their findings in Human Sexual Response in 1966.
Male sexual response, like female response can be described as a cycle consisting of four stages.
The stages are excitement, (where sexual tension builds up) plateau, (a leveling off) orgasm and resolution.
The most obvious physical sign in the excitement stage is erection. Despite an erection being called a "boner", men do not get an erection from a bone pushing into the penis. Dogs, like many animals, including all other primates, do have bones in their penises from which the misconception about humans probably arose. The Arctic Whale has a penis bone about the size of a baseball bat. Erection in human males results from the spongy tissue inside the penis rapidly filling with blood and valves closing off, keeping the blood inside. This happens within a few seconds of stimulation The skin on the scrotum gets smoother and the testicles elevate.
Some men also have nipple erections. Some men, not just women, have very erotic nipples. They enjoy having their nipples sucked on and played with. It is sad that many men never realize that they have erotic nipples because no one has ever played with them.
Of course, all of the physical changes occur more rapidly and to a greater degree in young boys. Their erection is harder and the penis angle is straight up, and their testicles elevate higher. The angle of erection and cock hardness decline with age.
In the plateau stage the diameter of the head of the penis increases slightly. The testes swell, sometimes doubling in size, and the testes continue to elevate. Small amounts of clear fluid, sometimes called pre-cum, may appear at the hole in the head, the urethra. This can contain live sperm and pregnancy is possible without the man cumming, or if he withdraws before he cums.
Just because a man does not ejaculate inside the woman's vagina goes not mean those little rascal sperm won't get in. This method, coitus interruptus, is a lousy method of making love as far as I'm concerned. If a guy pulls out in the middle of an orgasm, that really ruins it for me. Like most women, I get very excited by a man coming and I like to feel him deep inside, as he cums inside me.
Other changes in the body in the plateau stage include increased tension in the muscles, especially in the buttocks and thighs. I often notice that men will curl their toes as they get more excited. When we're in 69, I can watch a man's toes and tell when its the right time to climb on.
The heart rate will increase and, both you and the woman may feel the thumping in your chests. Breathing becomes heavy (even when you're not making an obscene phone call). Finally, the great moment approaches. Orgasm. This is where man and woman's cycles parts company. Women generally have one stage orgasms. Everything occurs simultaneously, and fortunately for us, we females can have many orgasms without dropping down into resolution and starting the cycle all over again. Many women are multi-orgasmic - most can be.
Men, in contrast have a two stage orgasm and usually only one at a time. In the first stage, the man has a sensation that he definitely knows he's going to come, this is called ejaculatory inevitability. He's not coming yet, but he knows nothing is going to stop him now. According to Masters and Johnson, "Women do not have a consistently identifiable point of orgasmic inevitability that corresponds to the stage of ejaculatory inevitably in the male response cycle. Distraction can interrupt women's orgasm, whereas if the male has reached `inevitability', orgasm occurs no matter what happens."
That is the great difference between men and women during orgasm. Often men want to change positions right in the middle of a woman's orgasm, that absolutely ruins it for her. I personally have a sense of impending orgasm, though. I reach a point, similar to the man's ejaculatory inevitability, when I know I am going to have an orgasm, that is, when I am going to have one of my big earth shaking orgasm. But it can be ruined by distractions. Little orgasms just happen.
The second stage of male orgasm is the actual ejaculation. In this stage the penis contracts and the urethra and prostrate contract. These contractions combine to force the semen to spurt out of the tip of the penis. The internal sphincter of the bladder closes, so a man cannot urinate while he's having an orgasm.
Although the same hole is used for both urination and ejaculation, there is no mixing of urine and semen. This has been a concern of many men who worry about urinating during sex. Don't worry. Despite all this activity being lumped into the Orgasm Stage, Masters and Johnson do stress that orgasm and ejaculation are not one and the same, though in most men the two occur simultaneously.
Orgasm refers to the sudden release of sexual tension. Ejaculation refers to the release of semen. Orgasm without ejaculation is common in boys before puberty. Those early masturbators among you may have noticed this. You didn't start coming or having wet dreams until puberty.
How early can a man have an orgasm? Kinsey reported orgasms in boys, really infants at the age of 5 months. There is no upper limit as to when a man stops being able to have orgasms. Many men in their eighties and nineties are still sexually active. In fact many nursing homes complain about the problem of keeping men out of the women's bedrooms. I say, why bother, let them enjoy themselves, as long as they make sure their partner doesn't have an STD.
Of course there is ejaculation without orgasm, as any of you men will agree who have been to a doctors office and needed to give a sperm sample. The doctor shoved his finger up your ass and got you to ejaculate but it was not a lot of fun. Well not for most of you any way.
In retrograde ejaculation no semen comes out but rather it spurts backward into the bladder. This condition can occur naturally in men with multiple sclerosis, diabetes and some types of prostate surgery, and it also has been practiced by some religious sects. It can create problems with men as they get older as the prostrate enlarges with age and puts pressure on the urinary track. This pressure prevents the complete draining of the bladder during urination, and when there is semen in the urine it becomes a breading place for bacteria. If the man cannot urinate completely infection is common.
There has been a great deal of debate over whether or not women have 2 kinds of orgasm, clitoral and vaginal. Master and Johnson say there is only clitoral orgasm. I disagree. I have both, and they are quite different. Men have only one sex organ, so you would expect men to have only one kind of orgasm. But I have read descriptions of penal orgasm, the usual kind from stimulation of the penis and also orgasm derived from stimulation of the prostate gland. I have found no research where this sort of male orgasm was actually observed, but statistics from sex researchers who spend their time taking polls rather than observing poles, have reported on them. The Hite Reports says 31% of heterosexual men have tried a finger in the anus, 12% have tried a penis or penis sized object, like a dildo or candle.
The prostate gland can be stimulated through anal entry. If you feel up the anus against the anterior wall up about 2 inches into the rectum and press down you will find the prostrate gland, about 1 inch in diameter. Some men can be brought to orgasm by stimulating that spot. Some men report that it brings exquisite pleasure and a feeling of almost being able to come but not quite. They need to be finished off the regular way.
There are differences between men and women in their sexual responses, and understanding these differences will lead to better mutual pleasure. It is time that men and women put aside the religious beliefs of the Christian dark ages, and return to the Golden Age of light and truth of The Goddess. Judaeo/Christian concepts have dominated western thinking for so long that sex, the wonderful gift of The Goddess, is viewed as perverted. These religions forbid sex in this life and deny it in the hereafter. As for me, I am enjoying now, and look forward to enjoying sex in the eternity to come. It certainly beats playing a harp, which is not high on anyone's list of sex preferences. It doesn't even make the list of sex preferences.